His “condition” is something not medically defined. Technically it isn’t even a “condition.” Everyone knows he struggles with his problem, but no one realizes how much of a problem it really is. Warren is all alone in this world. He talks to people and has friends, but none understand. It’s not that they can’t understand, it’s just that they don’t want to. They do not want to put that much effort into it. In reality it is probably a good thing they don’t want to. If they did they too would be stuck with this problem, this “condition.” No one can help without understanding and they can only understand with effort. Once they did understand however, they still would be no help, they would only need help.
Warren coined a term for his condition, “Chronic Over Analysis.” He even made a definition for the term. “The process of analyzing events and objects to the point of near insanity.” Of course this definition wasn’t quite right. Sure, Warren did analyze things to an extreme amount, but he wasn’t insane, or even near insane. Well, at least he didn’t think he was. He joked about it, but knew it wasn’t really true. He wondered too often if other people felt the same. That is the product of his “Chronic Over Analysis.” He thought anything and everything. He would not stop thinking about it until he “knew” it.
Knew isn’t quite the correct word. Satisfied is closer to correct. It wasn’t that he didn’t “know,” even though most times he didn’t. It was more about pleasing himself, becoming satisfied with his answer. Often times it would be near impossible to find a satisfactory answer. Sometimes no matter how hard he tried he could not be satisfied. This did not keep him from trying to come up with an answer though. Warren had the habit of analyzing things for weeks, months or even years. There were even a few things he was still thinking about after ten plus years. Not letting things go meant that there was a lot of build up in his mind. This is why most people don’t understand. They do no know what it is like to think about 1000 or more things at a time for one minute let along ten years. As much as Warren wanted someone to understand, he was glad they didn’t. “Chronic Over Analysis is a burden he didn’t wish on anyone. Sure it wasn’t like cancer. There was no chance of dying from the “condition,” but death isn’t always the worst thing that could happen.
The day started off slow. His class was cancelled for the day so Warren didn’t have anything to do. Recent events had upped his thought process ten fold, but today his mind was near silent. Well, silent for Warren, for anyone else it would still seem like chaos. This small period of near silence gave Warren some time to rest, something he had not been able to do for quite awhile. Like the saying goes “there is no rest for the wicked.” Warren hadn’t rested his mind for more than an hour when he was interrupted by a strange phone call. One of those calls from a pay phone or another country where you have to wait to be connected with the dialing party. An over analytical mind does not enjoy these types of calls. It’s bad enough to hear the phone ring and have to wait until you pull it out of your pocket to see whose calling. Waiting another couple minutes after the ring kills. In a few minutes the mind can think of millions of things. The mind is the world’s faster processor.
Warren’s minds first thought was about all the people he knew and narrowed it down to a smaller number of people who would be likely to call him. After that he narrowed it down to the people who would call him this way. With that list he began to think of reason’s why they would call. This was a longer process than the last two but still finished within a few moments. Warren determined that it was his cousin calling from Europe to tell him about when he planned on coming home. Finally the operator got the two calls connected and Warren heard the voice of a woman, a voice he could not recognize. The voice said, “Hello….Warren?” As he attempted to respond the call was disconnected.
Now Warren’s mind was racing. Who was that girl? Why did she call? Why did the call drop? As he analyzed everything Warren did nothing but stare at his phone, He was waiting for the woman to call back, waiting for answers. He was sure she would call back. She must have wanted something, so why wouldn’t she call back. With each hour that passed Warren’s mind though more and more, each thought becoming more negative than the last. Not only did Warren over analyze things, he was also a pessimist. He was always thinking the worst. Sometimes coming up with situations so horrible they were near unfathomable. If anyone knew half of the horrible thing he thought, they would institutionalize him for sure.
Thought after thought Warren could not get his mind off that phone call. He thought so much that he started to think about every other thing he had been holding in the back of his mind. His recent divorce, the likelihood he would be laid off, his bachelor’s degree turning out to be fake. If it was possible, Warren was thinking it. If it was impossible, he was either still thinking about it or trying to figure out how to make it possible. Warren didn’t even realize it but he got up and walked out of his apartment. His body was walking but his mind was not. His feet were on a path to lead hi somewhere.
As he walked down the street unaware of himself many people stopped to ask him if he needed help. His face was blank and his eyes were empty. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Anyone that looked into his eyes that day saw something they will never forget. They witnessed a struggle. A civil war between the mind. Warren’s soul was caught in the middle, taking most of the damage. These people witnessed a dying could. Some say they saw the point where it did die, but a soul doesn’t die, it only suffers. It stays in that dying state forever, a pain much worse than death itself.
Warren never uttered a word to the passer-bys of his walk. He only kept on walking. No clear direction, but a definite path. He may still be out there, walking. If you happen to see hi do not attempt to help him, he will give you no response. Whatever you do be sure not to look into his eyes. It would be a “Journey Into the Mind” of a dying should. Something no one should have the misfortune of seeing.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Lost in the Familiar
This may yet need some editing, but here is what it is so far.
Lost in the Familiar
The date and hour of the event is not important. Those involved wouldn’t remember if you asked them. If they did remember, the people they told would not believe them. No matter the time, what is important in this story is the place. The place is a very well known area, somewhere we have all been. The only problem is that it is impossible to recognize as it never looks the same. No matter how many times we visit, it always seems as though we have never been there before. Even though we do not recognize the place we all share the uncanny ability of being able to navigate this area with ease. We do not wonder whether to go left or right, up or down. We instinctively know neither direction matters and we lead ourselves right to where we wanted to go. We may stray from the path at times, but we always end up where we were headed.
On this day things were different for John Novack. Just as we all have, John unknowingly traveled to this special location. The difference is that John thought everything was too familiar. Instead of everything having a strange familiarity, it all had a complete familiarity. John walked around and knew where everything was. He was in control, accomplishing tasks faster than what is considered safe. To understand why finishing a task too fast is not safe; you must first understand that this location is intended as a place for rest. Doing tasks quickly does not provide the rest needed. This place is not like a place of work. If you finish everything too soon you cannot leave nor can you find more work to do. You are at a loss and trapped in a place of nothing. Life as you know it would freeze.
Two-thirds of the way done with his work, John noticed a change. The place he was, the place he had been to before, the place he should not know but did began to change. The unlikely problem however was that the place was not changing. The colors he saw, the objects around him, the smells of the place, all stayed the same. It was really John’s mind that was changing. John’s mind was slowly losing the familiarity of the place while he was in it. This would not be a problem if it had occurred while John was outside. However, John was inside. His mind could not handle the change. Normally, coming to this area not remembering allows you to wander and learn but when you enter and lose the memory your mind does not accept the change. Your mind goes through the process of filling in details. Where there once was a plant now there is a light, where there once was a wall there now is a door. This can cause some major problems.
Believing he was about to be going through a door, John stuck his hand out for the doorknob. His hand caught nothing but air and confused John tried again. Not satisfied with the result of catching only air again he pressed his hand up along the wall and searched for the knob. John searched for a good ten minutes before finally giving up and moving on. While walking away from what he thought was a door John noticed a staircase. John was still trying to figure out why he could not open the door while he took his first step onto the staircase. The experience of stepping upward and finding out there is nothing there is an indescribable feeling. Unless you have had the misfortune of missing a step before you would not understand John’s amazement when he tripped and fell onto his face. John also still felt as though there was a staircase in front of him so he put out his hands in attempt to catch himself on one of the steps. Missing the step he thought was there, John did not brace himself for the floor. The impact of his head against the ground was enough to knock him out.
John was found many hours later talking to a house plant in the corner of his apartment. No one believe the story he told in attempt to explain the cut on his head and his likely concussion, nor did they believe him when he told them the plant was actually a person and apparently the only one that believed his stories. His stories would have been passed off as due to the concussion if he hadn’t been so consistent and committed to his story. He told everyone that passed by about the place he had gone, about how he felt as though he knew everything about it and it had changed shape. Just as what would happen to anyone else John was placed in a mental institution with little hope of any future recovery. To this day you can still find John in room 307 and he will have quite the story to tell you if you listen. He always creatively starts it off by saying “Come with me on a Journey Into the Mind.”
Lost in the Familiar
The date and hour of the event is not important. Those involved wouldn’t remember if you asked them. If they did remember, the people they told would not believe them. No matter the time, what is important in this story is the place. The place is a very well known area, somewhere we have all been. The only problem is that it is impossible to recognize as it never looks the same. No matter how many times we visit, it always seems as though we have never been there before. Even though we do not recognize the place we all share the uncanny ability of being able to navigate this area with ease. We do not wonder whether to go left or right, up or down. We instinctively know neither direction matters and we lead ourselves right to where we wanted to go. We may stray from the path at times, but we always end up where we were headed.
On this day things were different for John Novack. Just as we all have, John unknowingly traveled to this special location. The difference is that John thought everything was too familiar. Instead of everything having a strange familiarity, it all had a complete familiarity. John walked around and knew where everything was. He was in control, accomplishing tasks faster than what is considered safe. To understand why finishing a task too fast is not safe; you must first understand that this location is intended as a place for rest. Doing tasks quickly does not provide the rest needed. This place is not like a place of work. If you finish everything too soon you cannot leave nor can you find more work to do. You are at a loss and trapped in a place of nothing. Life as you know it would freeze.
Two-thirds of the way done with his work, John noticed a change. The place he was, the place he had been to before, the place he should not know but did began to change. The unlikely problem however was that the place was not changing. The colors he saw, the objects around him, the smells of the place, all stayed the same. It was really John’s mind that was changing. John’s mind was slowly losing the familiarity of the place while he was in it. This would not be a problem if it had occurred while John was outside. However, John was inside. His mind could not handle the change. Normally, coming to this area not remembering allows you to wander and learn but when you enter and lose the memory your mind does not accept the change. Your mind goes through the process of filling in details. Where there once was a plant now there is a light, where there once was a wall there now is a door. This can cause some major problems.
Believing he was about to be going through a door, John stuck his hand out for the doorknob. His hand caught nothing but air and confused John tried again. Not satisfied with the result of catching only air again he pressed his hand up along the wall and searched for the knob. John searched for a good ten minutes before finally giving up and moving on. While walking away from what he thought was a door John noticed a staircase. John was still trying to figure out why he could not open the door while he took his first step onto the staircase. The experience of stepping upward and finding out there is nothing there is an indescribable feeling. Unless you have had the misfortune of missing a step before you would not understand John’s amazement when he tripped and fell onto his face. John also still felt as though there was a staircase in front of him so he put out his hands in attempt to catch himself on one of the steps. Missing the step he thought was there, John did not brace himself for the floor. The impact of his head against the ground was enough to knock him out.
John was found many hours later talking to a house plant in the corner of his apartment. No one believe the story he told in attempt to explain the cut on his head and his likely concussion, nor did they believe him when he told them the plant was actually a person and apparently the only one that believed his stories. His stories would have been passed off as due to the concussion if he hadn’t been so consistent and committed to his story. He told everyone that passed by about the place he had gone, about how he felt as though he knew everything about it and it had changed shape. Just as what would happen to anyone else John was placed in a mental institution with little hope of any future recovery. To this day you can still find John in room 307 and he will have quite the story to tell you if you listen. He always creatively starts it off by saying “Come with me on a Journey Into the Mind.”
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Preparation
Be prepared to embark on an epic journey. One not of body, but of mind. A journey through events of insignificant people, leading insignificant lives, finding themselves caught somewhere in between, somewhere no one travels. The events you will experience have no particular importance to history. Events that will be overlooked by any who were not involved, but will always be in the minds of those to blame. Events that may touch some, may elude some, or may upset some. During our time together you will experience loss, fear, hate, love, joy and sadness. You will see the dark side of man and the light side of life. There is only one requirement for this journey. You must allow yourself to get swept along, to enjoy the experience and embrace the ride. If you feel you are ready, come with me on a Journey Into the Mind.
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